Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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