i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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