Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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