I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He passed out mid-signature
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize