he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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