im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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