My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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