now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
