this boner is exhausting
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
