I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Sober January is a disaster.
No subtext here. People are naked.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
