I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
