the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
