the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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