New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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