let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
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