Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
