Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize