You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
