Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
