I didn't shave. On purpose
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
