I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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