um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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