I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
