if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
