No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize