doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
