Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're a waste of cheezeits
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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