In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
