my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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