i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
