that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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