I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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