bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Life is so much better after having sex.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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