can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
