My Higher Power is John Stamos
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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