I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
