I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
