I cockslap morals
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
