STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Enjoy the penises
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
