But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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