I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
