Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
