i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
