Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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