I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
