After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
