i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
