Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
