You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
