I wanna bring you to show and tell
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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