We're facebook friends in real life
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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