My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize