Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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