Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
