you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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