Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I am available for nakedness
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
