dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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