just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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