Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
