Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
