all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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