I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
