Christians are straight up FREAKS
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
