There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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