before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Come on in and take your pants off
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