so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize