that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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