It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
